Kingdom Non-Inheritors

The year is Eternity. Global warming came and went. The Sponsors era has already passed. Rise and fall of the Gigolos, socialites, and all social scums (and scams) has already happened.

Presidential elections in a small African country called Kenya came (or not) and passed. People exchanged bile over some primitive social media platforms they called Facebook, Twitter Instagram, while the cool kids used platforms like Flickr to ‘find inspiration’, the pretentious professionals did their rants (subtly) in LinkedIn. Snapchat was for slay queens, who never gave a hoot about who was/would be the president. They were too busy changing the world, erm sorry, their DPs, stories and walking with a camera on their face pouting and contorting their bodies. And we, as Mafisis, loved them for that. (I wish my old man would read ‘DPs’ and think I was referring to Ama namna gani my fren and his friends who are DPs). By the way, the slay queens are extinct by now.

On the grand scale of things, this country (and its election) is of little consequence. But it’s worth noting that the supporters of the two main political alignment NASA and Jubilee  died poor. They insulted their friends and used the infamous Your second name betrays you on them. Later on they had to swallow their bitter words because they realized afterwards that they needed their ‘political opponents ‘ to attend their events, buy their services, promote their businesses and make babies for them.

Back to Eternity. Time has finally come. There have been wars; anti-Christ has ruled the earth and some got the mark. Children are done abusing their parents, sponsors done deflowering young girls. Men with inflated egos as the fake chests of the women they chase after have also fallen. True love is no longer abstract concept. We’re before the Almighty, All-Knowing Father.

It is Judgement Day.  It is an early morning.

We all line up and Saint Peter (my namesake, but do I say) comes with a scroll- and not some futuristic transparent iPad- calling out names and reading the charges followed by the judgement. No petitions, no appeals. Just execution of the ruling. That’s how we roll (or rule) here. There are some angels (and demons hehe) standing by to get these humans to their respective quarters.

However, there’s a group of people who were judged and condemned to interminable fire long before this day. The Kingdom Non-heritors. As a matter of fact, they waited for this day because the Heavenly Father didn’t want send another flood or Sodom and Gomorrah-kind of blazing flames to partake in the genocide that the humans are effecting on their poor selves. These people will burn in the charring hell inferno. The people who will not see the kingdom of God.

First, The people (mostly men) who post on other humans’ Facebook timelines things like: Thanks for the Add.  Worse off are those that use various versions like Danx 4 +, tanx for +.  You my friends, will burn. Especially if you’re past 25 years of age, don’t wait to be shown the direction. Just throw yourself in the fire. Closely following this category are all the second class slay queens who respond to these posts with a Yo Welkam, Always welkom, Anytime D.a, etc. Your sin will be encouraging and promoting retardation and backwardness in men. And for that, you and your fake Brazilian will rekindle that fire. I won’t talk about people who post their phone numbers and/or ask for phone numbers here. Just follow the rest.

Secondly, Men who talk in Gents. These belong to the pit where there’s constant groaning and gnawing of teeth. Talking to a fellow ninja mostly in a urinal with both men holding their members is a sin. It is in the bible. Worse are men who talk while looking at you or call out for your attention. KEEP YOUR HEAD STAIGHT AHEAD, MAN!!!  These moments are sacred. Heavenly, profound even. More so when you’ve been really pressed. No man who knows the sheer pleasure that comes from piddling would dare open his mouth and talk to another man. If you talk to a God fearing man like yours truly here when I am taking a leak, I will ignore you for two main reasons: First, it is disgusting, insensitive and inconsiderate of you and secondly, it means you’re dead. You’re dead emotionally, physiologically and spiritually. And the bible forbids talking to the dead. Great is the fire that awaits you.

Special Category of Girls: One, girls that call you ‘My dear’ after you’ve pulled a ‘Babe’ ‘Bae’ on them. You will burn. The Lord sees what you do to these empty souls. Even to the fuckboys. They are his creation and you should never ‘Dear’ someone who ‘Baes’ you. This self-appointed Safaricom customer care group of Dears will be closely followed behind by the Bluetickers. These are (mostly) girls who read a ninja’s message, think about what you just texted, and then move on. You will burn too. (Oh, and those that have disabled the blueticks and think we don’t know when you’ve read and ignored out texts, Luke 8:17. Nothing that is hidden that won’t be revealed) Next to them are the ‘K’ girls. They will burn not only for wasting a whole text message that can take over 140 characters but also because of the energy that men expend while trying to decrypt, decipher and translate that one-lettered word. What did I say wrong? Is she mad? Maybe she’ll do a follow up text. Oh, so now we’re doing Chemistry?  Girls that replace prayer before eating with pictures before eating. No explanation to that. Oh, any man who does this has the hottest corner in hell.

Then there are these conductors to whom you will give a new, crispy 200 shilling note and your fare is 50 bob. Then, without the fear of God they will give you old, worn out, sometimes humid notes without even looking your direction. And you can see newer notes. But he won’t give you. If you’re obsessed with mint notes like me here, it will take all the energy not to throw tantrums since you are a grown man who shaves his beard and pettiness is unacceptable. Conductors, considering most of you are skinny, arrogant but street-smart asses; you’ll be the firewood to burn your fat drivers who lie about the routes they’ll use. God hates liars, thieves, and drivers who practice this.

These, my friends, are the Kingdom Non-Inheritors. Time to repent is now

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